Being a mom is so hard sometimes. But, the last thing I want to do is complain because I know there are so many women out there who would give anything to be a Momma.
I feel like the past few days have been one parenting fail / meltdown / mistake after another. I can tell my patience and tolerance is way out of line and lacking. I wonder what my kids think of when they think of me sometimes? I know what I would think… “that lady is CRAZY!“
I’m so tired and yet I’m so thankful for this time I have at home with my kids. That time is running short and my heart breaks a little bit each day knowing I’m one day closer to not being a stay at home mom anymore. Why are my babies growing up so fast?! WHY does it make me so sad to see them get older and do more things and NOT need me anymore? I am so thankful for their little lives and that they are growing and thriving. I wish I could just slow down and think of the NOW and not worry so much about the future and them growing up and things not being the way they are right this second. Being an adult and understanding the way the world works really sucks sometimes.
Kate has hit the terrible twos.. I know the three’s are waaaaay worse, so I have something to look forward to. ;) Today has been such a hard day with her. I’m that mom who’s child is screaming and throwing a fit because she can’t get the cozy coupe to roll in the grass the way she wants. Have you ever seen that thing showing children crying over the most random / silly things?! That is my life.. You can see it for yourself here. ;) Sometimes I look through those photo’s to see that I’m not struggling alone..haha. Tristan NEVER acted like that. He was so chill. Kate is the complete opposite, and I’m sure it’s because she’s a dramatic GIRL. She is so much like me, too. I think I’m going to have to sit down with my parents and take parenting lessons since they’ve already raised a child just like her and they survived!
I’m just sitting here on the couch after a rough morning in tears … tears because I’m exhausted and feel like the worst parent in the world – and tears because I love this life and I don’t want anything to change. Even in the worst days, I am so incredibly blessed and I love those children so much that it hurts. I feel so undeserving of them, and I am SO SO SO thankful that God was kind enough to bless me with two beautiful, healthy, happy children.