I’m a pretty blessed girl. I still have friends checking in on me to see how I’m doing in the wake of my depression “stuff”. It means a lot to me. And for those who have been making a point to let me know they’re thinking about me, I want to say a huge THANK YOU. I sincerely appreciate you!
I’ve been on my new medication for almost 2 months now. At first, I feel like I was on a high. I had the motivation, the desire, and the “want to” for a lot of things. In turn, accomplishing all of those things made me happy and motivated me to do more, more, more! Over the last few weeks though, I feel like things have leveled off. I don’t know that it’s necessarily that my meds aren’t working, but I think my body has kind of settled in with them to where it’s taken the edge off a little bit. I have good days, and I have bad days. I have bad weeks, too. It’s something that I’m trying to work through and consciously think about and think of how I can pull myself out of it. I still go through periods where I don’t want to talk to anybody, where I don’t want to go anywhere, where I struggle getting out of bed, and where I feel trapped inside my own mind. (Believing false thoughts!)
Relief from these negative feelings comes when I am able to realize and acknowledge that I am weak. When I’m able to see that satan likes me to be the Miranda that feels awful about herself, that doesn’t want talk to her friends or family, that doesn’t want to go anywhere or do anything, that doesn’t want to better herself physically and mentally. You see, when I’m feeling all of those things, I tend to isolate myself from those who can help me. In those moments I feel alone. Satan likes for us to feel alone. That’s when he can feed us lies without distraction.
What’s kind of scary to me is when we are in that moment (that moment of isolation), we don’t always realize that’s what’s going on. We can’t see what we are doing to ourselves and how we are making ourselves more and more open to satans attacks. I read an article about not letting satan steal your motherhood. (which is amazing, by the way! You can read it here) In the article, the author mentions, “I might as well have left the front door unlocked and allowed a thief to come right in my home yesterday. I mean, why not? I let satan in.” You guys, how many times do we do this?! Don’t let satan steal your LIFE, your JOY, your PURPOPSE, your CALLING from GOD Himself! This can apply in so many areas of our lives.
And just like that, I’ve acknowledged that I am weak, I acknowledge that I’ve allowed satan to come in and wreck my mind, I acknowledge to God that I’m laying these burdens down at His feet (Matthew 11:28-30), and I don’t feel so alone anymore. I feel refreshed and made new. I feel loved and appreciated. I feel worthy and valued. I feel His love shine over me and His words of affirmation and love from the voices and the actions of others. I’m able to break free from the chains that were holding me down and accomplish those goals I have set for myself. I feel free.
Don’t ever doubt His love for you. No matter what you are going through, no matter how alone you feel, no matter how worthless you feel – know that those feelings are all lies. Know that you are strong, and you are worthy, and you are loved by GOD. The one who made everything you see around you. He loves you..and He chose you.
And watch satan run in fear …
(PS : No, I don’t capitalize satan’s name .. I don’t think he’s worth it)